The share price of the Internet start up everyoneneedstoknow.com rocketed skywards today following the announcement of its new GlobalAlert(TM) technology.
"GlobalAlert leverages the power of the Internet to usher in a new paradigm in timesaving communication. It brings people together like no previous invention ever could," said an upbeat Charles Parkington-Smith, CEO of everyoneneedstoknow.com.
GlobalAlert is designed to eliminate the estimated 3 billion dollars wasted each year by people trying to contact other people, who, for whatever reason, are unavailable.
"Our patented technology marries a waist mounted unit containing a GPS receiver with motion sensors and a marketing database of over 2 billion email addresses. By monitoring the wearer's position and movements, the unit is able to determine when they are uncontactable, and immediately emails the entire online population of the world to let them know that the wearer is temporarily unavailable.
"Never again will anyone pick up a phone to a colleague only to discover that they are 'in a meeting'," Parkington-Smith announced proudly, "they'll already know."
Roger Walker, one of the product's beta-testers, enthused about his experiences with GlobalAlert, "Sometimes I used to forget to email all my friends, colleagues and acquaintances when I was going away on holiday, or going to the pub for lunch, or was busying tying my shoelaces. Now I don't have to worry about keeping people informed, GlobalAlert(TM) does it for me. It even tells millions of people I've never met, just in case they should be looking my name up in a phone book at that very instant. I don't know how I used to manage without it."
"This is just the beginning." said Parkington-Smith, "We're in the process of concluding negotiations with BT, Vodaphone and Orange, which will see a synergetic melding of technologies to allow the next release of GlobalAlert to broadcast details of its wearer's availability to every SMS enabled mobile phone on the planet."
Shares in SensibleSolutions, vendors of the Unix utility 'vacation', plummeted this afternoon.